A Paris Hilton Coke Bust and Other Stories

Published August 30, 2010 | By Justin Higdon

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This weekend, Paris Hilton took another bold step in her undying quest to remain relevant. She apparently borrowed someone’s purse (or let someone borrow her purse or something) for a night out on the Vegas strip with her boyfriend, some guy named Cy Watts. Long story short, Watts was pulled over for suspicion of DUI; and while the cops were dealing with that, a baggie of nose-candy hopped out of Paris’s purse and into the hands of LVPD. Paris told police that just about everything in the purse was hers…except for the cocaine and the rolling papers. Now she could be facing some jail time. If this had happened in L.A. they’d probably go easy on her because she’s some kind of celebrity. But this happened in Vegas. At least one celebrity could attest to the difference between L.A. courts and Vegas courts. His name of course is Orenthal James Simpson. On to some more news, notes and links…

Paris Hilton made me think of Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinart. They used to date or were rumored to be dating…something to that effect. Well, at any rate, that’s old news. But the new news about Leinart isn’t too good either. He appears to have lost ground in the Cards QB competition to former Browns one-year-wonder Derek Anderson. DA started the sort-of important 3rd preseason game over the weekend and Leinart did nothing to separate himself when he entered the game later. So Arizona has two QBs, which usually means you have zero QBs. Especially when one of them is Anderson. Just ask Cleveland fans.

The Cincinnati Bengals released WR Antonio Bryant yesterday before he ever played in a game for them. Cincy seems pretty well-stocked at WR so letting Bryant go is no big loss as far as personnel is concerned. But I have to say, I was a little surprised by this move. I just wrote back on July 27th (when they signed T.O.) that releasing Bryant seemed like a “longshot” considering the amount of money he was being paid. Well, now Bryant is gone and he’s the biggest waste of money since Homer Simpson bought a talking astrolabe.

I read Peter King’s column this morning and he tuned me onto this little story about Peyton Manning and Colts’ GM Bill Polian complaining about a new rule. Seems Peyton has his shorts in a bunch over the new positioning of the umpire (now well behind the line of scrimmage rather than behind the defensive line and LBs). Manning and Polian think this isn’t fair since they run a lot of no-huddle offense. And maybe they are right. Maybe it is a bit unfair to them. But the Colts are a team that really seems to toe the line when it comes to other things like shifting, motioning, and coming set before snaps. Not saying that what they do is illegal. Just saying that if I’m with the Colts, I don’t necessarily want to draw too much attention from the officials.

The early returns (mind you, in games that still don’t count) seem to suggest that the Browns got the better of the Brady Quinn trade this past offseason. That’s the trade that sent Quinn to the Broncos for a couple of late round draft picks, and RB Peyton Hillis. Hillis has impressed coaches and fans with his rugged running. Quinn, on the other hand, is horribly inaccurate and looks like he’ll be passed on the depth chart by rookie Tim Tebow.

Good to see that TD celebrations are in midseason form. Saturday, Browns CB Eric Wright scooped up a Kevin Smith fumble and started high-stepping and waving the ball around at the 30 yard line. The night before, Redskins RB Larry Johnson celebrated a fourth quarter preseason TD by dunking the ball over the goal post. These guys practice everything.

A commercial I saw while watching football this weekend (and last weekend too, now that I think of it), touting the special re-release of Avatar, called the flick “the greatest love story of our time.” I have heard the blockbuster film described in many ways, but that was a new one on me.

I may have to reconsider my assessment of the Jake Delhomme signing. After calling his acquisition one of the “10 Worst Offseason Moves” he has impressed with a 116.1 passer rating and a 78% completion percentage. Maybe last season really was a fluke.

To say that the Carolina Panthers’ offense has been dreadful this preseason, might be putting it likely. The Panthers are 0-42 offensive possessions as far as scoring TDs in the practice games.

I admit I’m a fan of MTV’s Jersey Shore. Special thanks to MTV for creating this show….and to Saturday Night Live for making fun of it. Now everytime I hear the word “situation” I think of this weekend update bit. Well specifically the 3 minute mark of the clip. Yes, I know it’s an old clip but it’s still funny to me.

About a month ago, I wrote about Maurice Clarett’s return to The Ohio State Univerity as a student. This morning, on the radio, I heard the news that the 26 year old RB has signed a contract with the Omaha Nighthawks of the UFL. Here’s wishing him the best of luck. If he somehow makes it back to the NFL (or makes it TO the NFL for that matter), it would be one great story of redemption.

When I heard that WWE Monday Night Raw was set to air it’s 900th episode, I realized something: I have been ignoring pro wrestling for at least 18 years.

Generic Baseball Update 1998-present: The Yankees are in 1st place; the Cubs won’t win the World Series; Manny is being Manny; the Royals, Orioles, and Pirates stink; Roger Clemens is an egomaniacal jerk; and a young pitching phenom burst onto the scene, only to miss the following season with Tommy John surgery. Good old baseball. Never a dull decade.

A Paris Hilton Coke Bust and Other Stories

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